New York DMV's Office Moto: "Good Luck"

Hell is the New York State DMV. We've lived in this state for less than a month and we've been to the DMV five times. That averages out to more than once a week. I know going to the DMV, wherever you happen to live, is never a fun experience, but believe me when I say that the New York State DMV is one of the more hellish experiences any person can ever hope to endure.

Just before school started, we dropped by the DMV to get our New York State driver's licenses. The DMV is setup so that everyone has to pass through an information counter first. The clerks at the information counter make sure all your paperwork is in order and, if you're lucky, they'll issue you a number so you can sit down and wait a bit longer. You can think of the information counter as Cerberus perched on the river Styx. We presented our applications along with our passports and Nebraska driver's licenses as proof of ID. The New York State DMV, however, requires an additional non-picture ID (a Social Security Card was about our only option). Dejected, we returned home determined to return the next day.

With our applications, Nebraska driver's licenses, and Social Security Cards in hand, we returned the next day and managed to get past the information desk. They took our pictures , gave us a number, and told us to have a seat. The one positive thing I can say about the DMV is that it was the easiest eye test I've ever had. Hers and I went up together and they had Hers take the eye exam first. They had her step back and read the first line on an eye chart posted behind the counter. While she read the letters back, I began memorizing the first several lines (figuring that, surely, the guy wouldn't ask me to read the same line as Hers). Sure enough, when it was my turn, I was asked to read same line as Hers. By that time, I could've read the line with my eyes closed.

Of course, New York doesn't possess the requisite technology to print out a drivers license at the DMV. They took our Nebraska licenses and gave us a piece of paper to use as a temporary license. They told us we'd have our real licenses in about a week. Until then, we had to make sure to bring out passports if we needed ID.

Then came the car registration. Last week, we returned to the DMV with an envelop full of paperwork for registering our car. We offered up the envelop to the DMV Gods who began sorting out what was required and what was not. The woman who was helping us inspected our lease agreement and quickly folded it up and handed it back to us. She finished going through our paperwork, setting aside the paperwork we needed to register the car. At the end, she told us we had everything in place except for a certified copy of the title from GMAC. She gave us the DMV's fax number and told us we could have GMAC fax a copy directly to the DMV. She also pointed out that the effective date on our insurance policy was too old. The effective date had to be within 45-days of the current date. Dejected, we returned home, called our insurance company and asked them to issue new proof of insurance cards with a more recent effective date, and then called GMAC to ask them to fax a copy of the title to the DMV.

With everything in place, we went back to the DMV after classes this afternoon. Once again, we waited patiently to get to the information desk. We talked to people in line and found that most of them were recently rejected by the information desk as well. We wished each other luck as we headed up to the information desk. Once again, we offered up our folder containing all the documents we were told we needed and the gentleman at the information desk went through them all, found the copy of our title in the back, and said we had everything we needed with the exception of the lease agreement (yea, that's right, the same lease agreement they tossed aside so quickly during our last visit). Because we're registering a vehicle leased in another state, we have to pay sales tax for the remaining payments in New York all at once. As it turns out, they need the lease agreement to figure out sales tax.

We left the DMV at 3:30. They close at 4:30 on Wednesday. We raced all the way across town, grabbed the lease agreement, and raced back. We walked through the doors about 4:15 or so and once again got in line at the information desk. We watched as the people in front of us wished each other good luck before going up to the desk.

When we made it to the front, the lady who originally told us we didn't need our lease agreement began going through our paperwork again. "You guys are having a tough time with this car."

"Well, it's not easy when different people tell us we need different forms" we replied.

She went through everything and pressed the button to issue us a number. "If they reject you up there, don't come back to me because every thing's in place. If they reject you, it's because they can't figure out the sales tax." A ringing endorsement of DMV employees if I ever heard one.

We grabbed a seat and watched the big-board waiting for our number to come. As we waited, we wondered which lucky employee was going to get stuck with us. Finally, we had our answer as we made our way to window 4.

The clerk began going through the information and looked instantly perplexed. She called over a manager to help her figure out the sales tax. They took the monthly payment specified in the lease agreement and multiplied it by the number of payments remaining. Makes sense but there's just one problem: in Nebraska, we paid sales tax on a monthly basis and the figure they used for their computations included the sales tax we were paying in Nebraska. WhenHers, smart cookie that she is, brought this to the manager's attention, she started rambling on about tax credits or something completely unrelated to the point we were trying to make.

"OK, recently we received a letter from GMAC explaining that our monthly payments decreased by about $15 because they were no longer charging us Nebraska sales tax with our monthly payment," I offered. "The payment on the lease agreement is outdated and about $15 higher than what we're actually paying a month."

Finally, some kind of light flickered on and the manager explained that we had two options. They could either compute the tax using the figures on the lease agreement, in which case we could file for a refund, or we could return with the notice from GMAC specifying our new monthly payment. There was no way we wanted to make a seventh trip (I don't think either of us had the strength to try and explain everything again), so we paid the taxes and will send off a request for a $50 refund this weekend.

We did get to leave the DMV with our new plates in hand. Considering all that we've gone through to get them, I don't think I've ever been more proud of a set of license plates. They're even good quality license plates. You know, the kind that have been stamped at some penitentiary somewhere (not those cheap Nebraska plates). With any luck, we won't have to set foot in a New York State DMV anytime soon.